In an ideal world I shouldn't have to say why I don't want kids.
But sadly we live in a society where women have to repeatedly explain their life choices.
Ever since I was a child, I've been shocking people with my brutally honest thoughts on wanting to be childfree.
I remember being 9 or 10 years old, telling my father that I never wanted children.
He of course said, "wait until you're older, you'll change your mind, they always do."
Unsurprisingly he was wrong.
And ever since then, I've only discovered more and more reasons why I want to remain childfree.
I'm Too Poor To Have A Baby
How do people afford kids? - I ask myself this at least twice a day.
I can barely afford to feed myself.
I still pay my bills late.
I still owe relatives money.
I have little to no savings.
And I always give in to getting takeaway at least once a week.
Having a baby will not solve any of these issues, in fact it'll likely worsen my terrible money habits.
Again I still ask this - HOW DO PEOPLE HAVE ENOUGH MONEY TO RAISE AN ENTIRE HUMAN BEING?
Co-Parenting With An Ex Terrifies Me
When I break up with someone I ideally never want to see their face again.
I'm the type of person that will delete all pictures of my ex from social media as soon as the relationship comes to an end.
I may even unfriend them or block them if I'm feeling extra petty.
But that's just how I am - once you're an ex, I'm done with you for good.
I love my current partner, I adore him and I hope to be with him for the rest of my life.
HOWEVER, if someday we're no longer compatible, we of course would breakup.
But if there's a kid in the picture, my former partner would inevitably always be in my life.
How do single parents do that - how do you co-parent a child with someone that's an ex?
How do you even make decisions together when you're no longer * TOGETHER TOGETHER? *
Like what if they cheated on you?
What if they broke your heart?
What if they're an asshole?
What if they're a compulsive liar with gambling problems?
( **cough cough** my father )
Those of you raising a child with an ex deserve a medal, a holiday or at least a hug - honestly I don't know how you do it.
My Partner And I Would 100% Break Up If We Brought A Child Into Our Home
A good nights sleep - that's what my partner needs in order to be a happy, functional human being.
As for me - I need time good quality time to myself so I can fully unwind.
If my partner isn't well rested and I haven't had proper alone time, then we become the grumpiest, moodiest, crankiest humans on the planet.
Now what child wants to be around that?!?!
Right now our relationship is perfect - we can both be our best, most authenticate selves.
We know each-other's boundaries, limitations and needs almost as well as we know ourselves.
Adding a child to the mix will only make us grumpier and more irritated with the world, and no one wants to see that or live with that.
My Mental Health Is Already F*cked
I have a long history of depression and anxiety.
I'm also in the process of hopefully being diagnosed with ADHD (if I can ever remember to book in that appointment with my GP).
Most days are good - I am driven, productive, I can cook, I can socialise.
My bad days are a different story - I can barely get out of bed, I'm moody, I binge eat, I can barely shower and sometimes I even have suicidal ideations.
How am I supposed to take care of a child when my mental health is deteriorating?
It wouldn't be fair on my partner to take care of the child on his own - he already has mental health issues.
So what happens if we're both having down days?
Who would feed the child?
Care for them?
What happens then?
I Don't Want To Give Up Swearing
I like to swear - fuck, cunt, asshole, dick-stain, shitballs, motherfucker.
How do I stop swearing in front of a child that's with me 24/7?
It's hard enough trying not to swear when I see my Nanna or my little cousins once a month.
Not being able to swear in my own home - fuck that!
I Would Be A Terrible Mother
On a more serious note... I don't want children because I know for a fact I would not be a good mother.
And before anyone says, "of course not - you'd be a great mother."
No, I know I wouldn't be a good mum.
I'm a selfish person, I'm a workaholic, I'm self-obsessed, I'm moody, I'm easily distracted, I'm messy, I get easily frustrated - and that's okay.
My partner, family and friends still love me despite my flaws, however, when it comes to raising a child I fear my flaws will hurt them.
But most of all I fear I would fuck up my child like my father did with me.
I fear I will make them feel hopeless.
I fear I will make them feel worthless.
And I fear I will turn them into a self-absorbed, arrogant compulsive liar who's terrible with money and terrible with keeping promises - my greatest fear is becoming this.
And that's the honest truth.