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This week I went to the theatre to see one of my favourite musicals.
However, what was meant to be a fun night turned into a nightmare.
I arrived at the theatre and the foyer was packed with hundreds of people.
My large body could barely make its way through the crowd.
It was a hot night and there were no fans or air conditioning.
I could feel all my makeup drip off my face.
My dress was drenched in sweat.
I had to take myself outside twice as I was getting too overwhelmed by the heat and the crowds.
There were barely any seats and nowhere to catch my breath.
Once I began to make my way into the theatre I started to feel faint and dizzy.
I became worried.
Was the theatre going to be hot too?
However, when I got to my seat things got much worse.
I couldn't fit in my seat.
I couldn't even sit on the edge of the seat let alone squeeze my fat body between the arm rests.
I was struggling to breathe.
I felt like all eyes were on me.
I felt like everyone was judging me.
I felt like everyone knew I was too fat for these seats.
A line of people were behind me trying to get past me to their seats.
I stood to the side near the stairs.
People were talking to me but I couldn't hear anything.
The room was spinning and more sweat leaked down my body.
I could barely see but I ran down the crowded staircase.
I knew people were staring but at that point I didn't care - I just needed to get out of there.
Tears and sweat poured down my face as I ran through the crowds of people.
I felt like I was breathing for the first time when I got outside.
I felt like someone had just lifted their foot off my chest.
I held onto the picket fence outside the theatre and focused on my breathing.
My chest felt so weak.
I continued to cry and gasp for air as I held onto the fence for balance.
People continued to walk by and stare.
I eventually had to sit on the front steps as I could no longer stand.
People continued to walk by and stare.
A staff member even walked by three times to have a smoke.
He just stared at me.
Judged me.
He didn't ask if I was okay or why I was shaking and crying on the ground.
I originally wasn't going to share this story.
But I thought maybe, just maybe, sharing this experience will make people understand that we live in a fatphobic society.
We live in a world where fat people aren't welcome.
If the seats were larger and the foyer had more chairs and fans - I could've watched my favourite musical this week.
But instead I sat outside on my own feeling like my body was an embarrassment.
I shouldn't feel like I have to change my body in order to fit a chair?
Why can't people just consider fat bodies like mine when they build and buy seats for planes, waiting rooms, theme park rides and the cinemas?
Fat people exist; we're not going anywhere.
So why not actually accommodate us?!
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